Today is Pregnancy & Infant loss remembrance day, and sadly 12 months ago today was when I had my heartbreaking loss. Not a day goes by that I don't think about that baby that could've been but never was. Nothing anyone could ever say or do will heal that hole in my heart.
It's bitter sweet, here I am sitting here 9 months pregnant with my baby wiggling around inside of me, waiting impatiently for her arrival when just 12 months ago the heart break was almost to much to bear.
There are a few things that I still have to help me every day. My bear of hope sits on the shelf above my bed, that a friend gave me when I was having a really hard time. One day I hope I will be able to pass this little bear on to someone struggling to deal with their grief. My angel that hangs above my head, that a friend gave me. Until the night I hung it over my bed I couldn't sleep, now I couldn't imagine it not being there. And lastly the flowers I planted out the front of our house, that I never thought would last this long or flower in such beautiful rainbow colours. Every day I see them when I step out my door and they remind me of how far I have come. None of these things take away that heartbreak but they help me cope and manage day to day.
At 7 pm tonight I will light a candle to remember all those babies to precious to walk on the Earth or taken too soon.